December 24, 2012

And it Starts.

I knew Christmas would probably be rough this year, what with my getting my footing around this whole conversion thing.

What I did NOT expect was the discussion about the "War on Christmas", and how the rest of my family feels like their right to religious belief is being squandered by everyone saying "Happy Holidays". Protip: 99.999% of the nation is Christian. How about we NOT forget about how the 0.001% feels? There's no "War on Christmas" any more than there is a war on Tim Hortons. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. There's no fighting it. What we need to fight for (or at least acknowledge) is the little mom and pop donut shops trying to make it in a "double double" kind of world.

The heartbreaking thing is something that is, well, sort of counterintuitive, and something that is making my heart break the more I think about it.

Awhile ago, I asked my dad outright to ask my grandma if I could have her bible. It's this giant thing that was probably printed in 1400 BCE and has all our family history in it and I love the goddamned thing. Yeah, it's a bible, but a) I still think the bible is as relevant in my life as it ever was (minus the misinterpretation commonly accepted by most people as the Christian faith... blunt and harsh, but true. Sorry Christians), and b) it has all our family tree in it, and it's this beautiful illuminated old leatherbound thing. It's the bible I remember using when I really fell in love with scripture, when I was bored at my grandparents' house due to lack of siblings or many friends in the area. I just loved it. It has all my uncle's old letters from the war in it, and myriad other dumb little family mementos in it. So grandma says to me, when you take me home, I have a bible for you! I'm like HOTDAMN dad really pulled it off this time! And am all excited. I want this thing desperately because I know it means a lot to my dad, and if I ask for it, she'll definitely give it to me. Instead, I am given this one that was a gift to her from a funeral home when my great aunt died. Sweet she'd think of me or some shit like that, but... creepy.

This isn't making a whole lot of sense yet.

The problem is... last year I came pretty close to getting in a physical altercation with the aunt that is in current possession of the thing. Any of you who know me (I hope) know that that is reallllyyyy not my style. I'm usually very easy to get along with, and am not a fan of confrontation, though I don't shy away from it when necessary either. Anywho. She's treating my dad like shit, and her husband sent around this shitty email reply that pretty much called my dad an uneducated neanderthal (slight sensationalism on my part, but hey, my dad's my hero), and I went over there and called her everything there is to call someone you have 30 years of pent up emotions with. She came after me, but it didn't go there. And now she has the family bible. And I know for a FACT she doesn't give a shit about all the family history behind it. My dad is very into genealogy. I know she just wanted it because my dad did.

I know it's just a "thing", and "things" shouldn't produce this kind of upset (ideally). But... I want to absolutely beat the ever loving shit out of this woman!! Resentment is like a poison you drink and expect the other person to die, I know. I know all that zen Buddhist hippie beatnik shit, and I am usually that person that annoys the shit out of other people with that kind of philosophical crap that is intended to make you feel a little better. But right now, I could literally break into her house, destroy the place, and steal the thing back. It's not even like my cousin is going to appreciate it when they're gone... the kid is the most fucking weird kid ever. Seriously. He's one step below "35 and living in my parents' basement and peeing in water bottles because I'm too lazy to go to the washroom". They get everything they ever ask for... my dad gets shit for being a week late on doing my grandma's tree pruning. Selfish insensitive assholes.

Anywho. This is the ramble-y angry post I usually try to stay away from, but it's also pretty good therapy for me. I just can't get over this feeling... like every time I try to step out in the world with a smile on my face, God/s/ess/whatever fucking bitchslaps me into reality. HAHA!!! You almost enjoyed that second, didn't you?!?!? DUMBFUCK! To the few people who support me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. But it seems as though the rest of the people in my life are just huge fucking morons. I have no idea how I'm supposed to get better with this kind of bullshit being so pervasive. I feel like I'm circling the drain.

And I have one giant family gathering to go to yet, this time with 20 times the assholes.

EDIT: I apologize if this seemed cranky towards Christians. Not my intention. I try to see people for their own merits. It just appears that every Christian person I'm related to are complete assholes. I have Christian friends, and they're cool. Anyways.

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