Altar Discussion

I chose this picture because it's pretty mostly, but as you can (sort of) see, I have pictures of my ancestors, feathers to represent the nature spirits, and various little statue representations of the God I feel most connected with. I also have a little bowl to represent the sacred well, candles for the sacred fire, and my staff in the background as my world tree representation. It's located on the easternmost wall of my house, to meet the rising sun.

Aside from the fact that this is a very standard ADF altar set up, I felt that it fit my needs, and felt very appropriate. Ancestor representations were important to me, because I still feel very spiritually connected to them, and it seemed like the proper place to honour them. Nature Spirits were kind of a given, as I highly revere all forms of life. Representing the Gods was a little tougher, as the one God I have felt close to the most in my life (other than just the pantheistic sense of the Universe) is Ganesha. ADF does not officially recognize Ganesha, as He is not described in the Vedas. I haven't felt called to work with any other Gods yet, but I will add anything that seems appropriate when the time comes. I'm always open to meeting new Shining Ones!

The Three Hallows are simply added because I needed to start somewhere, and have become more meaningful as time passes. Each time I work with them, whether I do a Two-Powers Meditation or not beforehand, it works as a subtle reminder to ground and center. It's like Two-Powers Lite – the fire being the spark of inspiration and a reminder to be in the moment, and the water being the grounding element from the earth. My staff is important to me both as a world tree representation, and also as a reminder of how deep this path actually runs for me, even though I'm still new to Druidism. I made that staff back when I was 12 – I hunted around in the woods for hours to find the perfect (fallen) tree branch. Even though I'm new to the formal concept, I'm not new to the spirituality.

As well, I have various spiritual knick knacks I've accumulated on my altar - some crystals that seem appropriate for the time of year, maybe an affirmation I want to give some oomph, and the trinkets I was given when I finished my Yoga Instructor training.

As far as improvements go, I'd like to make some altar cloths that would be more seasonal looking – ideally I'd like a different one for each high day for added flair. I also look forward to being able to add more God/Goddess representations on it, as soon as I feel a connection or inspiration to work with them! Ideally I'd like something a little larger and possibly higher, maybe with less places for my cat to hide in it.

Hospitality

“That boy is your company. And if he wants to eat up that tablecloth, you let him, you hear?” - Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

As Harper Lee shows in her timeless book, To Kill a Mockingbird, hospitality can be described as tending to the needs of your guests, regardless of what those “needs” are. Dictionary.com defines it as “the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers”. I'd like to add two more ideas into the mix: only receiving said guests if you are able to extend them that high level of comfort, and only being a guest if you're sure your presence is appreciated. Hospitality is akin to generosity in that one must give of one's comforts freely to be truly hospitable. I feel like this can be an unfair exchange of energy, however.

I don't often have company. I have my life a certain way, and I am protective of my space. I find it incredibly draining to have people over, so I tend to only invite people over when I am entirely sure I can show them a good time. If I'm unable (or unwilling) to offer my guests the proverbial tablecloth for dinner, then I just don't invite them. Part of being hospitable is knowing what you're capable of, and sometimes my capability is zero. I am not very comfortable with uneven exchanges of energy, and restrict my home to those I know will not take more than they give. Sounds harsh and not terribly hospitable, and it kind of is. I've found, though, for my own well being, I must be sure of these things in order to keep my home a safe environment.

However, there is the other part of hospitality, and that's being a good guest. I always attempt to bring some sort of “gift in kind” if I'm invited somewhere, whether it be a bottle of wine, some dessert, or some flowers. I am acutely (and probably painfully) aware of where my welcome ends, and respect that fact. I am always mindful of the aforementioned exchange of energy, and I try to feel as though I put at least as much time or energy (or money) into visiting someone as they did to prepare to have me.

I guess the long and short of this essay is that I've found it difficult to be hospitable, and that's fine, I suppose. I think it's more important that I take care of myself before I start to try to take care of others. Unless my well is full, it's hard for me to offer anyone else a drink!

I've read this somewhere before...

And if only we could all get a little better at it.



There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk (Autobiography in Five Chapters)
By Portia Nelson

(1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

(2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

(3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

(4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

(5) I walk down another street.

Happy Place :D

Here's a few pictures I took today from my happy place. Yes, I may need to attend Lensflareaholics Anonymous. 

My Inner Wolf

I'm up a dog for the week, and it's made for some interesting times. I already have two dogs, an Aussie Shepherd and a Goldendoodle, and two kitties, and one extra Doodle has certainly made for some "paradigm shifting".

They say that two's company, and three's a crowd? Probably true, especially with dogs. Where my two boys have their own language for relating to each other, my adopt-a-Doodle doesn't quite understand what they're getting at. She's a little nervous about playing - they're pretty rough.

I'm having to tap in to my dog-nature a lot. I'm trying to pick appropriate situations for them to try to spend time together, making sure everyone is calm and collected (and that they stay that way). I'm trying to pick up on my guest-doodle's cues and not put her in any situations she might be uncomfortable with, and making sure she has an escape plan that she knows how to use if she needs it.

It's been interesting for me in that usually I'm a pet-mom... my boys need attention individually from me much more than when they're playing, and I rarely have to run interference. But with a guest in the house (and an extraordinarily gentle and sweet one at that) I'm really having to put my "pack leader" hat on. Everyone's behaviour has been great so far. I've only had to correct it a few times, and even then in very minor ways, which is impressive. It's made me see my relationship with them in a new light though... less mom-puppy and more pack leader-subordinate. It's interesting to see their wilder side, and is a strong reminder that they are still wild animals. Cute, sweet, cuddly, fluffy ones, but they still have that *spark*. It just makes me love them all that much more.

I've got to admit it's getting better...

I'm a little late with this post, mostly because of a highly chaotic week.

I just wanted to post and let my reader(s) know that I've received some messages that have helped me, at least partially, thwart my crisis of faith.

A friend and I went to a "wellness retreat" thing that was basically short sessions of a whole bunch of healing modalities. Very cool, but I received some very poignant messages. The healer that was working on me after, said... wow... your heart is really sad. I was like, YA THINK!? Anyways. I was heartened to feel like... I'm not sure what exactly. Like my issues were relatable, and that other people could identify and actually feel what was wrong with me. I felt connected to the infinite. I'm not sure how to describe it really.

Also, I received some messages from some crystals. I was having a hard time trying to decide what crystal to bring to our Imbolc ceremony, and I just decided that none of them were going to do the trick. So on a whim, I just kind of ended up near the local crystal place, and I picked out a few that jumped out at me. I was looking for one in particular, so I picked it up. The owner said that the one I had wanted was labelled incorrectly, and was actually another crystal entirely! So, fine, I said, they pick me anyways, and I went on my happy way.

I get home, and I read what the crystal is useful for, and... let's just say, it was a message. It was "I hear you, I know what you're going through" in rock form. I also picked up the perfect crystal for Brighid. Who knew? Maybe I just haven't been listening in the proper forum... maybe crystals could be a great way for me to communicate with The Powers That Be?

I dunno. This is a spazzy response because I'm still feeling spazzy, but I was very happy to have a feeling that I was being looked out for. It's been a very lonely few years.

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Please Challenge This.

So lately I've been trying not to freak about about J losing his job. Live in the moment, and all that crap. I can't seem to shake the feeling though that the universe is givin' me a raw deal.

I've done pretty well so far. I mean, we're completely broke, but I still have a roof over my head, and food in my stomach. But this is the second time that I've said aloud and to anyone who would listen that this year was going to be different, and MEANT IT, and got backhanded by "The Powers That Be" as a result. Last time, I ended up in the ICU for a week. This time, I start legitimately making plans, and.. NOPE! Never mind your plan. See that rug you're standing on? Yeah. I'm about to yank that out from under you.

It concerns that me that I am completely numb to the whole thing. I have moments of feeling like I'm going to barf, others that I feel I'm just going to fall over and die from being so stressed, and others where I can't stop laughing my ass off. I'm constantly wondering if this is the straw that'll break the camel's back. I'm especially feeling the lack of "religion" in my life... when I was a Christian, I had all these tools in my back pocket for dealing with matters such as these, that I don't feel necessarily apply here. Or at least I could talk to my family about it.

I hate to sound melodramatic. I hope I don't sound that way. I'm not okay with feeling this way... there's people that exist that use their depression/anxiety/mental health issues as being almost a crutch... a reason for acting whatever way, and a reason to never figure out who they were. I'm trying from the other end... I'm DESPERATELY trying to figure my life out, and I keep getting cut down. Every. Time. And reply to this or don't... it's cathartic for me sometimes just to get things out.

I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not part of anyone's plan any more. Or my own. How much pain is one person supposed to take?